October 29, 2013

spoiled little kids.

remember that one time when the ceo of scentsy (where my father in law works) called him up & asked if jordan and i would like to fly in his
private jet
to boise for the weekend, since his daughter was already taking it up?
yeah, me too.
we almost didn't go--we already had weekend plans. but it was my little brother's sweet 16 the day we would be getting in. & who wouldn't want me as their birthday surprise? ha.

at first i thought i would play it off cool, like i ride 6 seater jets on the daily. but who am i kidding?
i totally waved at imaginary paparazzi on our way on and off the plane, fawned over the mini waterbottles in each cup holder, and requested this picture the second we stepped off. i'm pretty sure the pilot and other passenger were internally eye-rolling at me, but who cares! i was serena van der woodsen for a few hours! xoxo
scentsy spoiled us further by letting us sit in their skybox for the boise state game on saturday night. not a bad view, eh?


we didn't tell my family that we were coming--& as we pulled up to surprise them, we passed them on their way out of the neighbordhood! nothing will beat my mom pulling over hapharzardly to the side of the road and tearing up as she jumped out of the car to hug me.
i love surprising people--and when i get really excited, i get sick to my stomach. does this happen to anyone else out there? it's like, i'm so excited that i make myself sick. this usually happens on holidays, my birthday, even when i'm super excited for a date jordan and i have planned.
i'm practically a 4 year old.
& once my stomach settled, it was so much fun to see this little brother for his sixteenth. (and by little, i obviously mean 6'5'')

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October 24, 2013

taking stock.

making: plans to date my husband this weekend. just us two. it seems like it’s been ages.  

cooking: bourbon chicken from costco daily. It is SO GOOD. (and by cooking i obviously mean microwaving.)

drinking: egg nog! already stocked up!

reading: the casual vacancy. it’s fairly explicit, but these characters are good.

wanting: a day with nothing to do but lay in bed, catch up on tv shows and read.

looking: forward to our halloween costumes!

playing: joe pug hymn 101.  

wasting: time trying to figure out how to live a more balanced life.

also wasting: a lot of time editing every picture i’ve ever taken on vscocam.

wishing: for ‘sunny and low 60’s’ to stay forever.

enjoying: my ethics & values class, & learning to really take a step back and look at our societal structure, how it’s affected us.

waiting: for the weekend.

liking: our nightly, lively discussions about everything—from affirmative action… to how fast the speed of light really is. jordan and I take stock of everything we’ve learned in school by reiterating it to the other person.

wondering: where to start in this never ending quest to better myself.

loving: weekly emails from ashlyn—she is loving every second of her life. she’s only been gone 2 months but i see a world of difference in her. she’s grown up.

hoping: for a stronger resolve in my small decisions.

marveling: at these fall colors. the red, the yellow—does it not seem brighter this year? it never gets old, every time i step outside i am taken aback.

needing: something to soothe my aching muscles. lunges are killing me this week!

smelling: cinnamon sticks boiling on my stove.

wearing:  tights and boots.

noticing: how really brilliant my husband is. he is the most driven person i know, & i can’t wait to see him make a big deal of himself.

thinking: a lot about peace. how to achieve it, what it means for me, etc. asking a lot of questions of myself.

feeling: not as stressed as i should be. a win, in my book.

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October 22, 2013


on being irrisposible:
i can only enjoy it if i am responsible both BEFORE and promise myself i will be AFTER.
when you work hard, that day off is enjoyed and feels well-earned. when you have been abstaining from sweets (is there anything harder?) doesn't that cupcake taste better?
i like being irrisposible. i love being irrisponsible when i've earned it.
that said, jordan and i ditched a mountain of homework and our nightly workout last week to share a giant chocolate shake, watch 'how i met your mother', and talk about things other than grades and social issues and work schedules. this is a big deal for us, and relish in it we did!
great husband = great life.

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October 18, 2013

imagine dragons.

a few weeks ago on a thursday night, jordan texted me,
'hey, would you be interested in going to the imagine dragons concert tomorrow for free?'
im pretty sure my reply included an excitment curse word.
we got a few more free tickets last minute friday, so i decided to invite some of the girls. (i am so lucky to have a husband who actually loves my girls, not just puts up with them.)
i totally expected them to a) not want to drive that far b) not want to ditch their other friday night plans, but i have the greatest girls that texted back, 'i want this!' and 'let me make a few calls, where should i meet you?'
vivnt hosted the concert, rented energy solutions arena, gave everyone an $8 voucher for food, and dropped balloons into the audience that were filled with money, nba tickets, what have you. opulence at its finest. (free ice cream tastes infinitely better than paid for ice cream.)
we got nosebleed seats because jordan had forgot to pick up his tickets until the day before, but no mind! we had a fabulous time, and imagine dragons is good in concert. like, really good.

^^^oh, hello babe of a husband.

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October 15, 2013

anne shirley moment

outside of our apartment building there is a giant tree, and if ones like it lined the whole street, we would be covered in a canopy. it's draped in bright yellow leaves right now, a fall-lovers dream. everytime i open my door there it is, saying hello to my soul. yellow is my very favorite color.
 we stepped outside sunday for a nature walk up the canyon, & the wind was howling. it appeared to be raining at first glance, but as i looked closer, it was raining yellow leaves from my favorite tree! they danced around the street, swirled around all of the parked cars and landed in piles on the grass.
i had an 'anne of green gables' moment then. where the world seems so innocently magical, that even the scroogiest monster would have to crack a smile. i kept exclaiming, 'jordan! jordan!' like he had made the leaves rain just for me.
we re-visited the spot where we took our engagement pictures, and took some polaroids. it's almost as beautiful in fall as it was 2 summers ago. mother nature--high five.

speaking of anne of green gables, i need to re-read that one. here's a few favorite quotes:
“It is ever so much easier to be good if your clothes are fashionable.” 
preach it, anne!
“It's been my experience that you can nearly always enjoy things if you make up your mind firmly that you will.” 
“There's such a lot of different Annes in me. I sometimes think that is why I'm such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn't be half so interesting.” 
“I read in a book once that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but I've never been able to believe it. I don't believe a rose WOULD be as nice if it was called a thistle or a skunk cabbage.” 
“Look at that sea, girls--all silver and shadow and vision of things not seen. We couldn't enjoy its loveliness any more if we had millions of dollars and ropes of diamonds.” 
“Some people go through life trying to find out what the world holds for them only to find out too late that it's what they bring to the world that really counts.” 

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October 10, 2013

sister #3

isn't my sister in law the cutest? we went & saw austenland last week (it was tooootaly ridiculous, but probably the funniest movie i've ever seen) and talked about boys and snuck lots of candy & starbucks into the theatre. having sisters is the best. i'm so lucky that i have three to call mine!

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October 8, 2013

conference weekend in black + white

ah, conference weekend. a) hit 'restart' on life. b) realign your priorities c) get a fresh and inspired perspective.
in between laying in bed watching/napping, we went on a pie-shakes and feed the ducks date. the duck population has at least doubled in the last few weeks. also skyrocketing was their confidence. instead of waiting for me to throw the bread to them, they just hopped out of the water & demanded it. it was really freaky. (read: hilarious)  feeding the ducks makes me feel like blair from gossip girl, which is never a bad thing.
you guys, THIS IS REAL LIFE. i swear i dreamed this up myself and costco said, 'okay we will make that!' giant tubs of nutella for only 37 dollars! we technically already have 2 jars of nutella at our house...but jordan still let me carry it around the store before we checked out. because he is a good sport.
on sunday we drove the alpine loop. oh man! FALL. and COLORS. also, that damp, fresh smell outside. too good.
also, all of these pictures are of me. jordan prefers taking the picture to being in it.

madi came over sunday morning to snuggle with us and eat bacon. (is that weird that my bed is community property to all of my girlfriends? i'm going to say no.) 
picture this with me: a great friend on one side, a fabulous husband on the other, fall sunlight streaming in my bedroom, and president monson talking about how wonderful eternal marriages are in front of me. it was one of those pure bliss moments. i am so blessed.
not pictured: girls night to the bridal party at alysse's. i think this means i have embraced provo living?
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October 4, 2013



I took the color code personality test a few days ago in my interpersonal communications class. I’d taken this test several times throughout high school and college—and i always came out a yellow, slightly blue. A light green. Full of personality, life of the party, with a little bit of a perfectionist + loyal side.

As i took the test this time, i was stopped up on almost every question. Was i more proactive or more nurturing? Positive or thoughtful? Creative or spontaneous? I used to whiz through those questions, so sure of who i was and confident in where i was headed, it seemed like those adjectives jumped out at me. Engaging? Of course. Motivated? Always! Now I wasn’t sure which was me—which was the old me, which was the me i wish i still was.

 I knew that a nurturing, co-dependent, loving side of me emerged when i made the decision to get married. But it seemed that muted some other characteristics—like my fierce career direction and gravitation towards social situations.

A little disoriented by my inability to answer those questions by instinct, the lecture went on into Gardner’s 7 intelligences. This is a brilliant theory, by the way—essentially 5 out of 7 categories of ‘intelligence’ are not ways that are measured by our school systems. Anyway. The last 2 are inter-personal communication, your ability to communicate well with others, read their emotions, manipulate social situations, etc. The last is intra-personal communication, your ability to communicate with yourself—including being in tune with your fears, your joys, situations you thrive/struggle in, and so on.

 And I realize that almost as much as i struggle with the logical/math intelligence, i am sorely lacking in my intra-personal communication.

I lost a lot of things I identified with when i got married. I might even say the majority of them. I lost that intense independence that i held so dear, i lost the plans that i would share with anyone willing to listen, i lost my flirtatious persona. (much to the relief of my husband!) Don’t get me wrong, i have gained more in this first year than i ever could have lost from those first 22. I am still confident, I’m just not positive where it’s coming from anymore.

It dawned on me, however, that i didn’t know myself anymore. I mean, I know I would kill a man for a cupcake, and that Saturday morning pump class is my favorite workout (fully aware those 2 don’t go together), and that i wish i could own every jcrew piece and new books bring me a rush of endorphins.

But what about other things, the more important things?  Im not totally sure where i put myself socially anymore. Do i accept the fact that im shyer and want to stay in more now that i’m married? Or do i push myself out of that habit and back into, what i believe, is my natural inclination? Where do I accept myself and where do i push for more? (the great paradox of life, it comes up in my thoughts almost daily.) Is pushing for more going to be unnatural?

 What do i really want for my life? Not what i just LIKE or like the idea of, or what fits into the persona i’ve set, but what do i really, truly, deep down into my bones want from my life, my career, my years and years i have ahead of me? Do I want to write a book? Do i want to be a communications professor? Do i push every button I have to be in front of the tv camera again, in a setting that matters? The answer is, basically, that I don’t know. Truly. I have no idea anymore.

This reality rattles around my ribcage in a painful way. I look at myself blankly in the mirror. Not with a look of disgust, but no joy is in my eyes, either. I am blank. I try not to be jealous as I see Jordan grab internships and that fiery ambition by the horns. He is headed on a freeway to successful-ville, and i am meandering along some frontage road, not sure where I am or where I am headed. I want to be humble, so badly I want to be humble.

But i want to know, 'what about me?'

This is the beautiful chaos of life. You finally decide what it is that you want, who you are—and then something else falls in your lap. But knowing your insides, knowing what truly makes you tick and being completely honest with yourself about it, there’s got to be a comfort that goes with that, no? A sense of security in the things you love, where your passions connect, and then the rest of it, they’re just things.

But we continue to change. And I think we’d be better at change if we knew the parts of ourselves so well, that we knew exactly what it is we’re letting go of, in order to gain something new, something bigger, something more challenging.

Taking a good hard look at yourself can be painful—honesty includes the ugly. But I want to know. I really yearn (what a word) to know what’s down there.  I’m not sure what I’ll find—but im happy to have Jordan help me figure it out, and sort through the mess when I find it.


"so don't emulate wonder woman, think about whats wonderful to you instead. then, boldly, audaciously, joyfully leave the rest behind."
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October 3, 2013

polaroids to delaware.

oh, my heart aches for that cute missionary on the right. sending her my love through emails & polaroids just wasn't enough this week.
she is happy as a clam, and me? i'll just have to pine for our christmas skype date. so grateful for her example. love her with my entire heart.

October 1, 2013


i feel like the jump from 22 to 23 crosses the canyon between early 20's,
carefree and 23,
adult is such a loaded word, is it not? it feels like a tall word to me, and i am gazing up from the bottom.
although, the thought of 24 seems even farther a jump.
i should have my shiz together, as a 23 year old woman.
my life should be figured out and i should be finding my place in the workforce.
but instead, i am still going to school.
partying with my husband.
soaking it all in and trying to be better....and i love it.

learning to be a wife was essentially what i did from 22-23. it's a pretty important job, and although i still have infinity more to learn, i'm grateful for this past year.

birthDAY celebrations included walking to the library, (walking and the library, my two favorite things!) cupcakes, & grilled cheese. (also on the favorites list.)

the birthWEEK included the muse concert, italian food, giant ice cream sandwhiches, a girl's night, movies, and me milking the celebration to get everything i wanted.

props to stastny for the exhausting, unforgettable, five-pound gain worthy week.