motherhood has been especially present in my life recently. many friends who are pregnant, a few who have recently given birth, relief society lessons, articles, conversations about bringing tiny humans down to earth & what that really means. our next door neighbors had a little girl, and when we brought them dinner, they were glowing. i'm sure niether of them had slept adequetly in at least a week--but the mother looked like a princess. i had never seen her look so beautiful. and the dad, he had this added measure of manliess that was almost startling. it was all supernal.
i heard a story of a girl my age who was trying to turn her life around after years of living in darkness. she sat one evening, exhausted and discouraged at her minimal progress and the miles she still had to go. she heard three voices, three little girls encouraging her. "you can do it, mom! we are counting on you!" for the first time, i thought about my little spirits up there in heaven, waiting for the day jordan, god, and i are ready to bring some brand new stastny's down here with us.
almost immediately, the urgent thought that succeeded, 'what am i doing to prepare myself to being their mother? what are my babies up there cheering for me to overcome?' we are not planning on children for several more years, but when that time comes--what will i have done to be entrusted with a little spirit? am i taking this sacred responsibility of motherhood seriously? am i spiritually ready to lead a family? the answer is, who knows. but i am going to start trying to get ready. although the task is more daunting than any research project or corporate position that i will ever be given, i am so excited.
i can't wait to squeeze their baby cheeks and watch their personalities develop, to watch them form opinions and find their passions, to smother them with every form of love i know.
i hope that they see the world through rose colored glasses. i hope they love everyone, especially their savior. i hope they are excited about life & all of it's possibilities. i hope they work hard. i hope they love to laugh. i hope they find magic in every day.
i hope i can be the sort of person to teach them all of these things. i hope i know how to hand them all of the love that resides in my heart. & i hope they know how deeply i love them already.