May 29, 2014

life advice.

i got this idea from my friend ceciley, & it got the wheels turning in my brain about the life mantras that i believe in--what are lessons that i've fought hard to learn? what ideas about life resonate with me? what attitudes do i feel strongly about? this has made for some interesting conversations with friends. you can really see into someone's soul by asking them about the life advice they'd give, and life lessons they cling to. i am still so young, but i feel like i've done a fair amount of changing and learning in these 23 years. i am really grateful for these lessons, and the ways in which they shape my behavior. so, here are a couple of them:

i feel like passion gives life that extra 'pizzaz' that it needs. feeling passionate is parallel to feeling alive--so find those things that make you excited and go after them! living a life that's passion-less might be fine & mediocre, but everyone wants a little extra umph, right? work hard and go for whatever it is that you love. passion is my favorite word, and it's my favorite quality in myself & others.

you are not obligated to be obedient to anybody else--in fact, you should break all the other rules. :) but when it comes to god & his church, he is at the head. he knows the end from the beginning. he knows whats best. i have found a lot of peace in setting my own agenda and opinions aside, and just being obedient to his word. the blessings from this outweigh the ego-trip of doing it your own way. i am so far from perfect, but i have a desire to be simply obedient.

we are only responsible for the way we treat others, not the other way around. people just need to be listened to and cared about and hugged! i have found that the attempt to love another person is always successful, if you really try. make people feel good about themselves. love with fierceness and loyalty. it feels so, so good.

i have been lucky & haven't experienced a lot of conflict in my life, but when i have--i've learned it's better to just suck it up & be kind. you know the analogy of shaving cream? it's reeeeal easy to pour out but impossible to stick back in? our words are just like that--& i never regret apologizing instead of fighting. i don't care if you're wrong, you're right, you're crazy, you're smart, you're an alien--be kind. i am learning to be kind to people who are unkind to me, and trying to treat them as christ would.

this is one i have to re-teach myself a lot. i am more than my circumstances, and although it seems harder to be positive when everything is working against you--it's not. we chose every morning, happy or miserable? what do you want? it's that simple.

i could have saved myself so much grief in high school if i had learned this one a little earlier! everyone screws up, but being upfront about it helps you learn. people really value honesty, and it feels good to just be real with others & yourself. it helps you see the reality of your flaws--instead of justifying them or covering them up. without that candid-ness, it's impossible to move forward.

don't rush into decisions. figure out how you feel, what you want, & be true to that. let the spirit talk to you. explore the cavities of your mind--let it wander. be a thinker. have original thought.

and lastly...

it's easy to conclude that they are not, but there is good in everyone. look for it, magnify it, draw it out, celebrate it. mankind, as a whole, is so wonderful & there is so much to be learned from every person you come across.

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May 27, 2014



oregon was a dreeeeam--mostly because of moss and trees and that intense green that keeps getting brighter in every picture. you know? it made me obscenely happy, so much that i couldn't help but point out every 5 minutes, "look at that moss!" "jordan, oh my gosh it's soooo greeen!" "look how magical that park is, and over there! a canopy over the street. can you believe it?" i'm a little obnoxious when i get excited.

we stopped at multnoma falls on our way in to the city & hiked that whole sweaty, muggy mile to the top. WORTH IT. i kept stopping and ogling everything, it was like walking through a postcard. seriously--the green started hurting my eyes after awhile, it was so sharp.

we only spent a day in portland--but it was well spent. (aka we lunched at the 'food truck tour' and voodoo doughnuts. #fatkiddiaries) afterwards, we took a tram up to the top of this massive hill and looked out over the city and the columbia river and all of these mini-sailboats next to skyscrapers. portland has this northwest-y vibe, similar to seattle, that i love. there's just a little less madness and a little more deep-breathing. take me back soon.

ps, that picture with the elephant? a homeless guy set up shop underneath. i was pretty impressed at jordan's angling abilities--you can barely see his feet! ha ;)

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May 22, 2014

a dozen things i love about jordan.

-hella jaw line.

-you kiss my shoulder while we spoon.

-when you can’t finish telling a story because you’re laughing too hard—and it’s always the same huge, toothy, silent laugh. hilarious.

-you always say sorry first.

-your dedication to everything you do. when you set your mind to something, you zone in and get it done, and you get it done well.

-your love for the gospel & your unwillingness to “bend the rules” or “find the gray area.” you simply want to be obedient. you are not tempted to be on any other team but the lord’s.

-you assume tasks that i don’t want to. aka paying bills, signing up for my classes, dealing with everything related to the car, and filling out financial aid.

-you are loyal to the ones you love. you wouldn’t let a single ill word about them pass by you with defending them.

-you only tell me positive things about my physical appearance, i only hear compliments comes from you. (even when i don’t believe them!) it’s never “that’s not my favorite shirt,” or “you should leave your hair down,” only “you look pretty,” and “your legs look even more muscular than yesterday!” and “dang girl, you look so tan!” i love it.

-your chest is the perfect amount of firmness so that it can be slept on.

-you have this hilariously quirky side that nobody but me gets to witness. seriously, i love it all—the accents, the faces, the dancing, emptying our dirty laundry basket on top of me because you think it’s funny…the list goes on.
-you put up with all my crap & love me anyway.
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May 20, 2014

my passion.


yesterday at studio 5, we had our live summer show. over 100 people showed up and it was complete chaos. although i clocked a few miles in about an hour running around the set, (thank heavens i wore flats) it was incredible. like, 'oh my gosh im having the time of my life right now, for reals' incredible. the energy in tv is insane and perfect and addicting. i had to stop & pinch myself to check that this experience is real.

it's difficult to put what's happening inside of me into words, because i know not everyone feels the same about broadcasting, or anything, as i do. doing something your passionate about, it feels like like finding your place in the world, even if for just a moment. it is feeling completely satisfied with where you are, and what you're doing. it's this mixture of feeling so lucid and so alive, but there's this fire underneath the clarity. and it's a feeling i've gone a long time without. i thought maybe i wouldn't be receptive to it anymore, but i was dead wrong.

i wrote here about feeling lost concerning my career goals--and this internship has set me right back on the path i need to be on. it's been a long-awaited answer to my prayers, and it's been accompanied by relief in hordes. i've found my place again, and i could cry it feels so gosh darn good. i have washed away any doubt in my mind about what it is i want for my life, my career, my sphere of influence. this internship is not glamorous all the time, and it's a lot of intense work. but it's my work, you know? it's exactly what i should be doing. it's exactly what i want to be doing.

i feel motivated and excited about every mundane task i have to complete there--from answering emails to attending pre-taping meetings to making a social media calendar. i adore brooke, the host of the show--for being so smart and so outgoing, two personality traits that don't always come in the same package. i love simply being present during the taping of a show--the adrenaline that comes from news cameras, it is contagious.

i am so grateful to be a small part of an industry that influences every american, and in this case, influences it for good. i'm grateful that studio 5  has such a positive message that i get to contribute to.  but most of all, i'm so grateful for this passion that i have. i cannot imagine life without it.

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May 15, 2014

welcome, summer.

we hiked up to the Y last night & watched the sun set as our opening ceremony for summer. ah, summer. the days seem to last forever and the adventure shelf is well-stocked. i'm ready for ya!
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May 13, 2014

things that make me terribly happy.



a) having this guy home with me! i enjoyed my week of alone time, but i was READY to be back together. as soon as he returned, we started talking. then we talked over dinner. and we talked through spiderman. and we talked until we fell asleep. it was glorious! last night, i turned on the wrong burner and set an egg carton on fire. when i saw it, i literally stared at the flame for a second, and then called to jordan to get out of the shower & come fix it, which he did. what would i do without that guy?

b) peonies--which are, far and away, the most magical flower. thanks for the gift, harmons.

c) when i pulled into work last week, the fog was this winding snake, dissapearing behind houses and mountains to create an eery, although magnificent, landscape in cottonwood.

d) working at ksl has already exceeded my expectations. i forgot how much i soak up the energy in tv, and how fufilled it lets me feel.

e) cute outfits for sunday walks. #maybeishouldbeafashionblogger

f) praying as a family via skype on mother's day was pretty unbelievable. i have such an amazing family, and it's a huge blessing to see my missionary sister so bright and happy.

g) other than loving the work, i LOVE working in downtown salt lake. i walk out the front doors and pop! there's the slc temple. downtown salt lake is just enchanted.

h) ceciley posted this quote on the be wise blog last week & i'm loving it. the most important thing we can do, i think, is just love people & treat them kindly. i needed this reminder of what's really essential in life.
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May 8, 2014

on being alone.

my husband is out of town this week, and consequently i have spent a lot of my evening time alone. i usually spend husband-less time with girlfriends, which is a worthy alternative. but this time i’ve decided to stay unattended instead.

a good portion of this time has been spent on sex and the city re-runs, going to the gym, and grilling turkey burgers—but i’ve had a lot of time to think, too. i’ve let myself just hang there, relaxed and uninhibited. i’ve just existed, and it’s been way more refreshing than i remember.

it’s really a spectacular experience, to let yourself be alone and embrace the isolation. there’s nobody to reflect off of except yourself, and i feel like i see into myself a little bit, you know? not having to talk to anyone allows my thoughts to just sit there and marinate, without any output. i have thought about our futures, i’ve thought about the past, i’ve addressed and solved problems all without anybody knowing, all within my head. i’ve digested experiences without sharing them with anyone, and i’ve pondered how lucky i am. i’ve thought about what living alone would be like. i even get a little existential on myself and try to wrap my brain around deep concepts, using the quiet and solitude as my chalkboard to write ideas on.

i’ve realized that one person is a lot easier to clean up after than two, and our apartment has been perpetually spotless—a fact that brings me great joy. heaven help me when we have children.

i’ve also noticed that i hardly ruffle the bed when i sleep alone. when i wake up in the morning and get out of bed, only a small corner of our white bedspread is overturned—the rest of it remains neatly in place. this could be due to my long days this week, maybe i’ve just been too passed out to toss & turn. i just know that when jordan is there, i am all over the place—stealing blankets and overturning sheets.

oh, and i online shop when i get bored at home. ooops.

my mom used to tell me, “if YOU don’t like hanging out with yourself, how do you expect anyone else to?” and i agree. self-improvement, and even just self-awareness starts from the inside out, and i am grateful for these days to get to know myself a little better, and simply to be.

but really, i am DYING for jordan to come home on saturday—i miss that sweet boy of mine!
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May 6, 2014

may 6.

+ jordan's aunt julie got married this past saturday. the ceremony was beautiful & i cried like a baby--apparently i'm a wedding crier..? her 10 year old son walked her down the aisle, and it was probably the sweetest thing i've ever seen. i'm not heartless, so i had to cry. the best though was jordan's little 3 year old cousin grace. she tapped my leg, stared at me for a few seconds until things got a little creepy, and then whispered.. "booger." then she hopped off her chair and bounced away. i died laughing.

+ tuesday night, i cahsed in my valentines day present at the ingrid michaelson concert! she has an incrdible voice--it's really natural, clear, and feminine. the venue has such a cool vibe, and i even ran into a few long-lost friends there.

+ after an eternity on my bucket list, i finally crossed 'keys on main'--a 'dueling pianos' bar in salt lake-- off! it was a BLAST--the best part had to be the performers doing a rendition of 'bohemian rhapsody.' the entire place was rocking out together, banging heads and screaming lyrics like a big, 75% drunk family.

+ several weeks ago i was able to be a part of provo fashion week and was really impressed by all of the talent that's right here in my backyard. about halfway through the show i realized that i wasn't really looking at the clothes--i've always been taught that it's rude to stare, especially at a girl's body. i needed a few reminders, 'kayla this is a fashion show, you're supposed to stare at the clothes' and then i was able to escape that mindset and focus on the pieces. ha!

+ my cute friend ashley is pregnant with twin boys! those guys are hitting the jackpot with their mama. madi & i went to her baby shower on saturday and afterwards took a tour of her GORGEOUS downtown salt lake apartment. it was so dreamy... wood floors, natural light, french doors. oh man.

+ madi & i hit up the bijou market (and the art city donuts truck) a few weekends ago. win, and win. i found some perfect watercolor prints and a necklace that i've been wearing daily. and those donuts are worth all of the attention they've been getting, without a doubt.

+ i found a few lost san fran pictures, including one of us at the palace of fine arts--and i miss that cute face! jordan is on a guy's trip this week--and although i'm totally excited for him, it's going to be a little rough. we have never spent more than a night apart for this last year and 8 months. i've already been listening to celine dion and thinking about him when i get lonely. that makes me go, 'who the heck am i??' but i just really like life with that guy around. and not getting my morning cuddle makes me a little grumpy. wow, being married makes you mushy and laaaame.

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May 1, 2014

journal prompts.



five ways to win my heart.

1.       be happy.

2.       compliment my intellect.

3.       laugh with me.

4.       don’t just answer my questions, answer them thoughtfully. (i ask a lot.)

5.       be a passionate person.

things you want to say to an ex.

holy cow, at this point it all feels like ancient history. it is ancient history. i suppose i would apologize for my apathy, and say that i want him to find a great love, as i have.

what you wore today:

a white, drapy everlane tee, a pair of dark denim, some cheetah loafers, and lots of gold rings.

something that you miss:

i miss my baby sister, who’s serving a mission right now. although i wish i could call her, i never really feel sad about it. that would be selfish. my heart is too happy for her and the people she’s helping to have any room for sadness in there.  

something you’re currently worried about:

oh, i am such a mom sometimes. what aren’t i worried about? i worry about making friends and living up to my potential and doing well in my future endeavors. most of all, i worry that my life will slowly become mediocre. and i worry a lot for my future kids. i hope heavenly father is planning on sending me some real gems, because this world is a little scary.

five pet peeves:

when i answer the phone at work, ‘fusion io, this is kayla’ and the person on the other end says, ‘hello? who is this?’ on the topic of work, people that act all put-out when their call can’t be connected straight to an executive. like, what world do you live in?

man oh man, SLOW drivers.

when i get corrected during a conversation for little, unimportant details. example: “can you believe it was 110 degrees in phoenix yesterday?” “um, it was actually 109.6.” at this point would be when i give the death glare.

people stuck in their opinions, no matter how irrational they are. one of the most powerful communication tools we can use as humans are the words, ‘i can see where you’re coming from’ and some people are just totally unwilling.

overly-competitive people. im sorry, was winning this board game going to pay for your rent this month or something? or was it just going towards helping your low self-esteem? barf.

ALSO...does it bug anyone else when people put on lotion and DON'T rub it between their fingers? they just rub their palms & the top of their hands? you're missing a ton of skin! i don't know, this may go under OCD.
5 items you lust after:

i don’t really dream of couture, nice cars, or expensive jewelry, but i can sum up my lustfulness in 3 words: the jcrew catalog. or maybe a big apartment in greenwich village ;)

something you’re proud of:

i take pride in my ability to care about and forgive people. i am still learning, but there is generally no part of me that is rough or callused when it comes to my relationships. i love people deeply and in a very permanent way.

how important you think education is:

10/10—i know that i may never use a lot of what i’m learning right now in my trade of choice. however, i think a university education provides you the opportunity to learn to be a critical thinker, to work hard and make a good grade possible even when things are working against you, and really, to learn about things outside of your major. i really think education refines you in a way that nothing else can.

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