June 25, 2015

on throwing your confidence into question.



at work here in san francisco, i  am nothing short of a novelty.

you’re 24? you’re married??!! for how long? you realize that’s going to hinder your career right? do you know what a liability your husband is to a TV career? if you’re going to quit & have kids, you should just get out now. you went to school in utah? you’re not from “that religion” are you? did you know that mormons killed a bunch of indians in 1845? i knew a mormon bishop that molested kids. were your mormon when you lived in colorado or did you become mormon when you moved to utah? (ha ha ha) <<< all real questions and comments i have fielded while working here.

i usually leave a positive first impression with people, but people really seem to not like the fact that i am lds. they are open about this dislike, they make jokes, they offer up anti literature for me to read. i didn’t grow up in an lds community, but never have i experienced such negativity towards, what is, the most important part of my life. after my first couple of days here, my spirit was a little crushed. i called up a girlfriend and she assured me that those people were immature and to not care what they think. i was there to gain work experience, not convince them of something they obviously already have an opinion about. i became pretty determined during that conversation – i didn’t care if they hated the fact that I was mormon, they were going to like ME. i would (and will) work hard and be positive and show up with a BIG A SMILE every morning and ask questions and engage and by the end of the summer, they will have a real-life positive experience with someone who is mormon.

on a completely different front, i have received a substantial amount of judgment slash pity slash judgey-pity that stems from our choice to ride the investment banking train. (this is where investment banking wife friends come in handy. they are the bee-knees.) yes jordan works that many hours, (90-110, no that is not an exaggeration) no i am not mad about it, yes i am lonely sometimes - but i signed up for this. i am an adult, i am perfectly capable of taking care of myself while jordan is at work, and I am mostly SO FREAKIN PROUD of that boy. how many people have the work ethic to work those hours and do well? and like it?? not many. (it’s possible that he is part-robot. who can function on 4 hours of sleep all week is what i would like to know?) i get a lot of “i could NEVER do that” and “i am so glad MY husband didn’t do that” and to them i say, cool beans. good for you. we’re sacrificing 2 years now so that we can have the lifestyle we want for the next 60+ years.  i know 100% that it’ll be worth it. but you know, you do you.

okay. now that I got all sassy, this is the real reason for me recording all of this nonsense.

it’s because I feel GRATEFUL. grateful for the opportunity to have my life decisions questioned by so many people around me – co-workers, family friends.

i am grateful that people make fun of my religion- in having those experiences I am solidified in my love for the gospel and the life i have because of it.

i am grateful for the opportunity to question my decision to get married, and come to the realization that HOLY CRAP that was the best thing I ever did for myself, hands down!

and lastly, i am grateful to be tested in how confident i am in jordan and i’s decisions as a couple. we are a pretty wonderful team - & although we will make a lot of mistakes in our lifetime, i really feel confident about the path we are headed down right now. not confident like “we are doing the best thing” but confident that we are doing the best thing FOR US.


although this summer has been lonely at times, and essentially harder than i expected, i feel myself growing in ways that i really need, and being tested in all of the places that i could use some testing.  and that’s really what this whole life thing is supposed to be about.

11 comments:

  1. I don't have much to say beyond I just loved this! I am consistently inspired by your positivity. This was a post I needed to read. You = role model.

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  2. 1) Even though I have never experienced the same level of religious heckling, I feel like I can relate. Moving away from Utah is hard. Utah is this perfect little comfort zone where everyone understands, and most people share, your religion. I was excited about the diversity of living here (and it's great! it really is!) but it's definitely an adjustment in its own way. I, too, am an anomaly when it comes to the fact that I'm young and married, and it's weird, not gonna lie. In Utah it was perfectly normal for me to walk around with a wedding ring on, but here I definitely get some stares. And then it's a lot easier to find people you can relate with in a place like Utah. Sometimes I wanna move back to Utah just because of that haha.
    2) I feel like I've said stuff to you about "wow Jordan works so much!" but I hope you know there's not an ounce of judgement in my head about that! I think it's awesome how hard he works, and how hard you work. And I think it's great that you're independent enough to be happy doing stuff on your own while he's busy with work, I really think that's how it should be. I LOVED doing stuff on my own before I got married and now, as much as I love having a partner in crime, I do relish those few times where I'm out shopping or eating by myself. Anyway, my point is, you guys are a total power couple. Rock on.

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    1. haha leah, i never thought i would say it - but i kinda miss living in utah, and it's only been like 5 weeks! i feel ya on that. also, you have never said anything like even remotely rude or inflammatory to me - you are seriously the one of the chillest/most nonjudgmental people i know and i love it. YOU rock on and let's have dinner next week.

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  3. Exaxtly!! You do you, girlfriend! The fact that you're doing all of this just proves that you're doing what your co-workers are doinf, AND MORE. You should be proud of yourself. It is frustrating when people don't get your religion, but kindness kills. Questioning is usually a good thing on their part. Just turn it into missionary experiences. Love you!

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  4. soooooo kayla, we should be best friends. because a. you are great b. i feel like we have a lot in common..... at least thats how i feel from your blog, haha and c. there is a GIANT chance that austin will go into investment banking once he graduates in decemeber. INVESTMENT BANKING WIFE FRIEND RIGHT HERE! haha but really, we can just go to the same place & be friends while they work their lives away. sound good?
    i cannot believe all of the comments & judgment you have received since your move about being lds. it blows my mind that people judge so critically & harshly when they don't even know all of the facts or even know you as a person. i think it's pretty sad, especially for them. i've never had to deal with that sort of judgement, even though i didn't grow up in a big lds community either people were pretty accepting/understanding/not judgmental so i can't imagine what it's like, but you are strong & i think you're going about it in a great manner. go you!

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    1. kerry, thanks for your comment. it has been surprising how negative people are about the church when i would NEVER EVER treat them the way they have treated me, about anything! but, you live and you learn and i'm getting tough skin and it's making me step it up so i can be a great example. also, i secretly hope austin does i banking!! we can be i banking wives and hang out 24/7 - i would seriously love that!! i know i have said this before, but you are my blogging kindred spirit. really.

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  5. Kind of in the same boat with you in the sense that I don't even know what husband is anymore. My husband is always away studying or working all day long. Which is sort of annoying, yes, because I miss him but at the same time I would feel guilty & selfish complaining because he is doing all of this now for the sake of our future family. I think this is why people make you feel like you should be sad/bugged/annoyed that you're husband is gone all the time. Being a hard worker is a sign of success and I believe that people are envious of how much drive Jordan has while they or their husbands may not.

    Also, whenever I hear comments like that I try to spin it in a very positive light so it doesn't bug me. I usually think "hey they say they would never be able to be with someone who is gone all the time, so I must be pretty tough for willing to deal with it - I am strong & dedicated". Or when I'm discussing with someone how my husband is always busy, I also try to highlight the fact of how hard he is working by bringing up specific examples or highlight our plans for the future and show my excitement. I don't know if that helps. You really are a great example of strong, independent wife. You and Jordan are a power couple.

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    1. mila, thanks for your thoughts. you SHOULD be so proud of jeremy, what he is doing is so amazing and takes a special kind of guy. i do think that you're right - sometimes people pity me because underneath they wish they married someone with such good work ethic. (but i never want to assume that and be snotty haha)

      also, that's a great suggestion, about spinning things in a better light - i could be better about that. i don't think people ever mean to be callus and rude, i think they often just don't think. haha. i really AM excited and happy about our future, and that's all that should matter.

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  6. You are so awesome. And that's really all I have to say :)

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  7. your gratitude in seeing the good in the middle of judge-y crappy lonely or confusing times is really admirable. you are a freaking rockstar my friend and i truly believe that those people giving you crap without knowing a DANG THING about your life are going to be wowed by your sunny disposition, your hard work, your sass, and your love. you got this. but you know you got this. :)
    xo

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  8. I'm proud of you Kayla. Growing up in Northern California, I experienced this a few times as well and it always is a sucker punch feeling. Keep the faith girlfriend. Sure do love your example.

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