25 years old.

yesterday was the big 2-5. gosh, doesn't that feel monumental? a quarter of a century. my life (i'm hoping, i would like to die fairly young) could be a third of the way through. my 20's are half over. gah!

as i usually do on my birthday, i got a little hard on myself yesterday within my own head. i let those voices run wild, you know the ones. they ask you why you haven't graduated yet, or shouldn't you have a hold on some of those bad habits by now? they laugh at the insecurities that still plague a lot of your life and remind you of the relationships that have weakened since you turned 24. "so-and-so didn't send you a birthday wish, what did you do there? friend x took you to dinner last year, and this year she barely remembered to snap you - that's probably your fault." they taunted me all afternoon, and by the time i got in the car to head home, the voices boiled over into a steady stream of tears.

twenty minutes into the drive, i realized how silly (read: stupid, dramatic) i was allowing myself to be. i remembered one of my favorite quotes - "i am learning every day to allow the space between where i am and where i want to be inspire me and not terrify me." by the time i arrived home, i had pulled my shiz together enough to enjoy the thoughtfulness jordan had put into my day.

a candle-lit cupcake pre dinner snack (haha) was waiting for me, along with a card that made me cry and, as requested, a BUNCH of birthday balloons. jordan deviated from my birthday list by gifting me a bathrobe (he remembered how much i loved the ones at the grand america) and a collection of old-time movies. (how he remembered that my favorite doris day movies are the one with rock hudson and not cary grant, i have NO idea.)

we enjoyed the sunset over some in n out, met up with family for a birthday cake milkshake, and then finished off the night by watching an audrey hepburn movie. i know most of social media is clogged with "my husband is the greatest, we are soul mates, how did i get so lucky blah blah blah..." but REALLY. this guy is a gem and a half and his thoughtfulness makes me feel like a million bucks! i am SO freaking grateful for him.

i don't know if i'll EVER see a birthday come around - and have my life be what i expected in that moment. i probably won't ever totally defeat every bad habit and insecurity that comes around, and surely i will never accomplish everything i wish i could. but i hope i feel, like i do now, that i am on the path that's best for my life, and i hope that wherever i am, that i am recognizing everything to be grateful for, amid all of the imperfection. (is this paragraph an after school special yet? good heavens.)

and a big THANK YOU for all the birthday wishes via social media, text message, & voicemail yesterday. feeling loved by so many people around the world is really, the pinnacle of existing for me.




Comments

  1. YOU ARE A MODEL. I've been trying to master the cute-closed-mouth smile forever! Hahaha kinda kidding, kinda not. Happy belated birthday pretty girl!

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  2. Oh my gosh I'm sad that you were sad!! You are one amazing woman. I hope you always know that! Love you!

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  3. AW! I turned 25 this month too! It was kinda the worst/but kinda the best. ya know? I resonate with a lot of the things you mentioned here. . pretty much life isn't perfect -but its still really good. Happy big 25!

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  4. so glad you had a happy happy birthday and so glad i saw you this weekend. :) happy year of 25 and i think you are a bad-a and so don't get down on yourself bc you a freakin rockstar.

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