October 1, 2015

on pink hair & letting go.

about a month ago, i got wind of some extended family members gossiping about me. what they said is not important, but i was pretty hurt. i'm aware of my imperfections, and i'm sure i rub people the wrong way sometimes - but to hear negative things other people say about you, totally laid out, pretty unfair, and by family no less - it kind of shook me. i obsessed over it and sought an obnoxious amount of validation from other friends.

once i had gotten over my hurt feelings, i had a come to jesus talk with myself. i needed to stop caring what other people thought of me so much, it was honestly becoming self destructive!!

people will gossip behind my back, they will think they're better than me, they will criticize what i say and what i do and what i post. it's an unfortunate reality - but that's just life, that just happens. my mom made a good point - she told me the people that really know me, and really know my heart, those are the opinions that matter, and those are the people that think i'm wonderful. and beyond those relationships - my opinion of myself and god's opinion of me. those are the people that really know me best, & if i feel satisfied in those, i can confidently disregard anything else and attract positivity. guys, this is a hard lesson for me, and one that i know i will have to re-learn a million more times before i die. but i feel the need to share this because it's SO crucial to our happiness and progression. if we live in the praise of others, we will die in their criticism. if we are striving to simply happy with ourselves and who we are, we can forgive ourselves when we fall short and the rest, i really believe, will just fall into place.

okay we're going to move from kinda deep to pretty fluffy now, so...stay with me.

i've wanted to go pink for AGES but i was always a) working at a news station where it would be completely unacceptable, or b) had a scholarship where i periodically met with professionals, and again - totally unacceptable. so since it's my last semester, my boss couldn't care less, and my hair girl was on board - i made an appointment!

and then....i started panicking. i heard people gossip about other friend's hair and was CONFIDENT i would be the target of their next judgment. i didn't want people to think i was trashy, or insane, or too old, the list goes on. a lot of people told me not to do it. A LOT.

finally one night, jordan (who, by the way, doesn't love the fact that his wife is someone that would want her hair pink, haha) said, "you know what? you need to go through with it. this is a perfect opportunity to do what YOU want to do and disregard anyone else."

and so i did. when tara spun me around dramatically to face the mirror, i fell in love that first second. i think it's so beautiful in a really unconventional way, and was immediately glad i followed through.

now before you think i'm too psycho, it's a wash out color. it will fade every day and probably be gone within two weeks. and also this note: i get that it's just hair, and this is a totally superficial example of breaking the mold. it's insanely trivial. but this was a good first step for me! i did what i wanted to do, i like it, and the stares and snide comments (so far) haven't phased me. i am taking a step out of the cage of other's judgment that i have been in for a loooong time. it feels good, and i think it'll lead to more substantial breakthroughs in this area of my life.

in the words of my girl amy p - "good for you, not for me." let's try to apply a little more of that, don't ya think?



13 comments:

  1. You be you! I think you are awesome and I'm sure if I met you in person I'd like you even more!

    ReplyDelete
  2. It's gorgeous! I'm doing this the day after school gets out! You are so awesome, I know how it can feel to get torn down by people you trust. Keep your chin up!

    ReplyDelete
  3. That's so sad that family was gossiping :( I don't know you personally, but from what I know of you from blogland, you are a seriously wonderful person! :) And I love the pink :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thats sucky about the weird gossip, I hate that crap. Sounds like you've taken it in stride, though. I'm sure you already know this, but you are a wonderful human being! don't let stuff like that get you down. I love the pink hair on you! I could see you with all kinds of fun colors! like blue... or green...! haha

    ReplyDelete
  5. I can't believe that someone was saying something negative about you.. like what that just blows my mind. I love your pink hair! It looks so good on you!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Love this post lady. Sooo well said. And you look hot.

    ReplyDelete
  7. The pink looks awesome! Way to go through with it because it was something you wanted! It is so hard in life when people, and especially family members gossip behind your back. I imagine that was very discouraging! Way to be positive and strong though despite it all! I think you are a great example!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I LOVE IT. You are a warrior princess.

    ReplyDelete