hi! i have put blogging on the backburner the last few weeks so that i could properly apply my attention to finals + friends that i am soon leaving – but here is an update from the stastny front.
+ guess who is done with school 4EVA?? (aka until i decide to start grad school) (also we’re assuming here that i didn’t fail any of my finals) THIS GIRL!! i feel a fair amount of relief, but also i’m kind sad. i really like school and getting a bachelor’s degree has been this ultimate goal, this clear and cut path that i’ve been on for so long. “college student” has been part of my identity for so long, but i’m excited to find my identity in the world beyond.
+ ok – here’s our rough plan after graduation. (it’s a little complicated, stay with me.) so, jord and i graduate NOW, but he doesn’t start work until june. he trains in nyc for june + august, so we don’t actually move to sf permanently for nine months. that’s kind of a long stretch to wait before real life starts, no? we decided long ago that instead of staying in utah and bleeding money from january – june, we would head up to boise to spend some time with family (rent free) + have a home base between travels. (we have some exciting trips coming up that i am stoked about!)
+ since we made this decision ages ago and it seemed like the most practical thing to do, i didn’t give it much thought. but as it has approached, i have realized that i am actually dreading this time. straight. up. dread. i’m not even exaggerating, guys. i start to panic a little bit when i think about it. since i have graduated from high school, i have 100% of the time had school/internships/jobs to keep me focused and fulfilled. also i love my family, but i love my independence. i love having my own life, it’s defined me in the best possible ways. although our six months in boise will be broken up with some traveling, there will be a LOT of down time. a lot of days where, for the first time in my life, there is literally NOTHING that i should be doing. this terrifies me, i cannot emphasize that enough. i have some spiritual goals, physical goals, hobby and artistic goals that i have set for myself – but they are certainly not enough to fill every day. this is such an odd spot to be in, (and i will gladly take any advice that anyone has for me here!) this in-between big life changes-i can’t start applying for jobs yet because we don’t move for 9 months-limbo weirdness. i just keep telling myself that something doesn’t have to be your FAVORITE in order for you to LOVE it. take this snowstorm for example – i would rather be walking through 65 degree crispiness and surrounded by oranges and yellows ANY DAY. that’s my favorite. but it doesn’t take away the beauty of the white snow, or the way the freezing air cleans out your chest cavity. such is with the seasons of life – i may like college life and independence best, but that doesn’t mean i cannot love the in-between stage. i have not been good at applying this idea, but i have plans of getting better. ;)
+ guys this semester has been somethin’ else, & here’s why: i put a LOT OF PRESSURE on myself to feed my relationships. it is so important to me that people KNOW our relationship is a top priority and SEE it in my actions. i never want my friends to feel like something is more important than them, because that’s my least favorite feeling: when you make someone a priority, but it’s not returned. i have wanted to write about this before, but don’t want to come off as “holier than thou.” i am by no means perfect at implementing this mantra, but i do give it 100%. it’s one of the few areas in my life where i can confidently say that i give my ALL. my friends, my people – they are the meat of my life. my relationships are everything to me.
+ knowing this would be our last months in provo, i told myself i would be a “yes man” this semester. if physically possible, i said yes to every date, every lunch, every party that i was invited to or that a friend suggested. (eeee, we all cringe) so…… i will admit, this wasn’t my wisest idea – i probably could have gotten better grades, slept a lot more, skipped less workouts, cleaned my house more, and stayed a little more balanced. although i am pretty worn out and extremely high strung from having everything planned out to the minute for so long, i regret NOTHING. i still feel like i was cheated out of so much quality time with so many people that mean SO MUCH to me, and i am SO GRATEFUL for the life chats and the lunch dates and road trips. i am so blessed with enough people here in provo to fill up my calendar, and the time i got to spend with friends this semester (although it was entirely not enough) will carry me through lonely days as i build a network of friends in the bay. (another day i will have to purge all my VERY strong feelings about the importance of surrounding yourself with an army of women who build each other up and encourage each other to become their best selves.)
+ and lastly, my christmas spirit. guys, it’s waning this year and i’m really disappointed in myself. i have let the stress of life give me a few (literal) anxiety attacks, and my apprehension about the future leaves me without a ton of room for christmas magic. we have been checking all the cozy christmas activities off our bucket list - i felt the magic a little as i watched home alone on a sick sunday afternoon, and little hints have been sprinkled through christmas parties, the festival of trees, and seeing christmas lights. (also jordan calls me the female clark griswald, so maybe i put too much pressure on myself to incite those christmas feelings? it’s a possibility.) anyway - now that i am finished with school (literally finished like, a half hour ago) i am going to take a second to breath, relax a little, and let the christmas magic come to me.
(and here's a few fun christmas things we have been able to do)
|temple lights, because are you even mormon if you don't go see them?|
|santa sighting at the festival of trees|
|christmas light hunting in salt lake (whoville was entirely disappointing, don't go unless you really want a picture with this grinch.)|
|gingerbread houses & white elephant party - PLZ appreciate the detail kristen and i put into the front yard of our house. (the boys...they ruined the house, it wasn't even worhy of a photo, haha)|
|and the CLASSIEST winter ball.|