January 28, 2016

madi's photos + some random thoughts.

before we left utah i had my dear friend madi snaps a few photos of us, as she builds her film portfolio. ISN'T SHE GOOD? her use of lights gets two thumbs up and she is 100% a blast to work with. i'm a little biased, but i think she's killin it. here is her blog, and shoot me an email if you're interested in her info. and no, she didn't ask me to plug her. she's just crazy talented!


anyway, i just finished the book "where'd you go, bernadette?" and it was really witty and smart and unlike anything i have ever read before. so this is my recommendation - go read it! i'm also reading "the continuous conversion" (i digest church books sloooowly so i won't be done for months) and i have the complete intention of buying gretchen's "better than before" tonight, even though i have at least half a dozen purchased books in my backpack that i haven't touched. i also might buy alexa chung's book, because she's really interesting and why not?


my social media usage (obsession?) has natural ebbs and flows, and it's in a major downswing right now. jordan took this incredible aerial shot of me jogging with the puppy using his dad's drone the other day. i would usually be like, sweet i'll post this! how cool! instead, i was like meh. and forgot. i'm just caring a little bit less about what everyone's doing, and them knowing what i'm doing. which is very healthy and mature and blah blah blah, whatever. what i'm getting at, i guess, is that i am feeling removed from my normal life, like i'm moving on into a new stage. and it's really serene.


producing at CBS has been madness so far. i already feel shoulder deep in responsibilities - but having a "big girl job" where i call the shots and i vote people off the island (aka the show) and my opinion makes or breaks a segment - it makes me feel important. i still feel like i am learning a lot and am first to admit when i don't know something, but i like feeling utilized and valued and i like making a difference and seeing improvement in the show.


i spent a lot of years putting myself on a tiny, paper thin pedestal because i didn't watch the bachelor and lacked any desire to. which by the way, is so stupid. putting down what other people take pleasure in is the nastiest habit that i hate seeing in women around me. "good for you, not for me." why do we care what other people like? (have you guys ever seen jim gaffigan's bit about mcdonald's? watch it if you haven't. it's basically like, we all have mcdonald's in our life - be it a celebrity obsession, the bachelor, stupid magazines, and it's really hypocritical to judge someone for whatever  their "mcdonald's" is.) ANYWAY....i watch reruns of the hills, so i never really had any room to judge anyway.

over the summer, i was invited to watch it with a group of girls, and like - it was HILARIOUS that i would miss an opportunity to make friends. i totally ate it up, but didn't think i'd watch again. then, we move to idaho and one of my girlfriends invited me to have a monday night party with her. again, wasn't going to say no. but then i started reading people's twitter and watching snapchat re-caps and even got added to a secret facebook group where they talk about it. GUYS. it's such a social gold mine! i connect with strangers over olivia's huge mouth and crazy toes! i text people funny pictures and video links that i normally would fall out of touch with! the bachelor, as vapid and crazy as it is, is bringing us together. 


January 20, 2016

life lately.

+ life has been slow this month. calm. tranquil. quiet. it was driving me absolutely NUTS at first, (resulting in several tearful breakdowns) because my life has never been so uneventful and frankly, i don't know how to navigate this territory. i am learning to steer into the skid, though. i feel my expectations for life to be a busy ball of fun 24/7 melting away, and i am feeling more comfortable with puttering around home, going to the gym a few times a day, and spending an afternoon reading. (oh, and binge watching making a murderer. #sobasic but i don't care bc it's quality tv!) content would be a good way to describe it -there is a quiet satisfaction with staying home, a satisfaction that is still pretty foreign to me, but that i am learning to love. also, the family time is SO CHOICE. i really can't get enough of my in-laws or my siblings. 

+ per usual, as soon as i get a little comfortable with the leisurely, life picks up :) in the next two months i think we spend two weekends at home? we are headed to mccall idaho for some snow, then to vegas for some girl time, then over to wyoming for cabin time + snowmobiling, down to utah for a wedding, and the list goes on.. needless to say, the change of pace will be a little more my style. i am pumped!

+ i have been networking and emailing around since the day i got to boise, seeing if someone, somewhere, needed my help in tv. i knew that adding a little work into my open schedule would help me feel fulfilled and keep my head in the game. but....being a college graduate (can't be an intern) that is only here until june (only 4 months to work) made me pretty undesirable. however, god seems to always pulls through for me. (love that guy!) by some miracle, i connected with a local lifestyle show that saw my previous experience in the field and basically handed me a position on a silver platter the second i walked in. they're drafting up a short term contract for me but if all goes well, i will continue to produce for the show remotely after we move. i cannot emphasize the following phrase enough - like what?? i don't know when my streak of good career luck will end, but i am riding this wave for now!! i am thrilled to go somewhere where i really feel like i have a lot to contribute, instead of being a meek little intern. YAY for big girl life!!!

+ this past weekend, jordan and i watched my cousin's three kids while they took a quick trip for a funeral. i was mega nervous - i guess i just realized that i don't really know what to do with kids? my youngest sister is 15 so i haven't babysat in a hot second & i feel totally clueless as to how to entertain and keep three kids alive for a few days??? the three year old wanted breakfast saturday morning and i literally was like, "can a three year old eat cereal by herself? won't the spoon be way to big for her mouth? can she even lift a metal spoon???" I DON'T KNOW THESE THINGS. (i spoon fed her just to be safe.) although in no universe are jordan and i prepared to have three kids, they made me a little hungry for one, i can't deny it. (isn't babysitting other people's kids supposed to be birth control? come on!) on saturday night before her bed-time meltdown, the three year old chloe kept running up to me, squeezing my cheeks really intensely and squealing "you so cuuuuuute!" kissing me on the mouth and running away. i pretty much started sobbing right there, it was adorable. 

+ and lastly, i just noticed this weird habit that i have a few days ago. guys, it's really odd. brace yourself. okay - i explain everything i am doing while i do it - like in "tutorial" fashion. i noticed that i do this while i apply my makeup (must be watching too many makeup videos, oops) but it has bled to other parts of my life. i explained how to properly clean the toilet yesterday. then i talked myself through my shower - shampooing, conditioning, shaving, the whole enchilada. i explained the proper form to myself while i do push-ups. today, i explained how to roll up sleeves jcrew style as i rolled up the sleeves of my jean jacket. ???????????? is this wacky or what? maybe it's not that weird, but it gives me this weird sense of satisfaction like i really know what i'm doing. like there's an invisible student standing next to me saying, "you roll those sleeves girl! look at that neat crease!" IDK. maybe there's a support group for this shiz. 

January 12, 2016

happy list 15.

+ getting SO into making a murderer that i literally jump into bed every night and i'm all HIT PLAY, JORD!! (there's a reason it swept the nation. so good.)
+ the way a cheat meal tastes after you've earned it with a week of chicken and veggies. (he he it's been a while.)
+ getting a bachelor-watching buddy and finally understand half of my twitter feed. 
+ my new calligraphy starter kit !!
+ the book, "where'd you go, bernadette?" and how subtly witty it is. 
+ showing jordan's parents our favorite indian food at bombay house & having them freak over it. 
+ teaching with the missionaries.
+ planning a trip to vegas with my girls!
+ during vegas texting conversation, spelling it "circ de sole" bc i didn't even want to try.
+ pink sunrises that are unobstructed by mountains. 
+ when my siblings fight over who gets to talk to me first.
+ christmas light displays in january #christmasisntover

January 8, 2016

our christmas 2015.

i know we're already 2 weeks out from christmas, yikes! i meant to post about our christmas this week, but i took myself off of caffeine monday morning and MY HEAVENS. you guys! my body has been in complete revolt for the last five days, with gnarly migraines and consuming nausea on top of dwindling energy. my body feels angry at me, like it's literally saying WTF to me every second of every day. it's pretty much taking all i have in any given moment not to cry and/or murder every living thing. (any caffeine survivors out there have any advice?) getting off of caffeine has been a long time coming - i have slowly become more & more dependent over the past few years, but i was always taking 18 credits or working full time or involved in something where i needed to be on the ball every day - no exceptions. i finally have an opportunity to rid my system of it's crystal light energy dependency, and it is literally the hardest thing my body has ever had to do. ANY thoughts or advice would be much appreciate. ANYWAY, i digress.

our christmas was magical and relaxing and much more enjoyable than i had expected. (i've talked a lot here about the stress of juggling two families, but each year we do so much better!) because the next two years it is VERY unlikely that we will make it home for christmas, i wanted to make this one count. (it was also our first christmas home with both sisters and our last christmas with my brother before his mission, so HELLO pressure!) 

our annual picture with our 4 foot tree that i adore :)

the stastny side of the family somehow rounded everyone up (from their varying homes across the world) for a group picture on the 23rd. after, we packed up our life into my in-laws horse trailer and headed to boise! 

can we talk about how cozy the stastny house it? i love that tree!
on christmas eve, it blizzard-ed this giant, soft, fluffy flakes ALL DAY. we had to drive under 30 miles per hour every where we went because it was a total white out, but with kenny g christmas on and not a care in the world, it was SO DANG COZY! it finally quit for a few hours, so my sisters and i snuck into our next door neighbors yard (who was out of town) so we could wreck their perfect snow while keeping our yard smooth and pristine. he he he he

and on christmas eve my mother in law gifted us VS pajamas, which i was super pleased about. 

on christmas day, we spent the morning serving the homeless at a restaurant called "old chicago" - they have a program where they bus people in for a hot meal, gifts, and christmas games for kids. i'm not going to lie, when i first heard this was our plan i was ticked. i wanted to spend the holiday relaxing with family, (again, this is our last christmas for a while!) not with a bunch of strangers - and i knew this would take all morning, pushing back the time we would get with my family. hi, i'm really selfish. 

when christmas morning rolled around, i was just kind of like "well whatever i'll just make the most of this" and i was dead wrong about the entire experience. not only did i get to bond with my in-laws, but a lot of jordan's ward was there and the opportunity to share this morning together really brought me closer to them. (jordan's ward is kind of like his extended family. they do ev-er-y-thing together) i was assigned to serve and bus tables, so i got the opportunity to sit down and interact with a lot of the people that came in, and they were suuuuch a delight! one table had me crying, i was laughing so hard. (it was two single guys, tatoo-ed to the nines telling me how much they loved the movie "the notebook." i LOL just thinking about it.) 

the whole morning felt very christmas-ey, it was so neat to spend the morning working together as a team, and i'm not sure why, but i had so much FUN!! not in this sappy "oh i felt the christmas spirit burning in my heart" way - although i'm sure that's part of it. it was just a total blast, and jordan and i resolved to find something like this, where we can spend part of our day serving, next christmas in SF. 

patterned socks are kind of my family's "thing" and christmas was no exception
the day after christmas we drove up to garden valley to go sledding - we were supposed to go last year, but tragically i broke my ankle the night before. (i was convinced i was still going to go - since they pull you up the hill on your tube, i said, "i'll just hobble around at the bottom!" and my mom was like LOL kayla you scrub we're not going.)

this place is insane, i think they clocked us flying down the hill at 37 miles per hour (in a train of 6 people, no less.) we caught a few epic gopro shots:

and that capped off the most fabulous christmas weekend. can't wait for next year's christmas in the city!

January 6, 2016

2016 - be as you wish to seem.

fresh start january!! hello & welcome! i am consistently motivated by other people's resolutions - they see a new start and they want to be better than they were last year. they want to make their lives better and enrich the lives of those around them. they want to take better care of their bodies and learn more. the cumulation of everyone's efforts are like an encouragement serum for me! it makes me feel better about humanity in general and i want to be a part of the movement.

photo by my incredibly talented friend madison

this year starts out a little different for me - i am starting the new year with nothing concrete to work on - no school goals (i officially graduated with better grades than i expected, so hooray for that!) no work goals, nothing but a big expanse of time to work on..........myself. on one hand, this is so exciting! i am going to become a scriptorian and write a book and get a six pack and watercolor one thousand things! on the other hand, who's going to hold me to these goals every day? how will i know i am progressing without any concrete means of measurement? anyone who knows me knows that i LOVE being busy/productive. i love feeling a sense of accomplishment every day. these next few months are going to stretch me, but i am hopeful that i've got it in me to stick it out and progress in REAL ways.

my theme for this year is be as you wish to seem.  (last year it was simplify and magnify) i've had this pinned on pinterest for ages, but i took a second glance at it this week and my sister in law told me, "that reminds me of you." i especially like it as a theme because it's multi-faceted. i get to decide, what do i wish to seem like? and then go and be that person. whether i am at a major crossroads or making daily choices, i can ask myself, am i working towards becoming the kind of person i wish to seem like? i love the idea of taking the best bits and pieces of those people around me and using it to build myself.

who i want to become:

the people i most admire are contagiously positive, they never limit themselves and are the type of people that get shiz done. (for lack of a better term.) they live whole-hearted, genuine lives and give their all to everyone around them. 

they're vulnerable and unafraid of their imperfections. they forgive easily, are kind and sweet in their nature - they treat everyone around them like gold. 

they hold their beliefs with fierceness but they aren't afraid of differences. they don't ever feel the need to put themselves above or below anyone else, because their too busy living their own happy lives. they are organized and on top of things. they can be counted on to follow through - always. they are responsible. 

they make the best of every day, every relationship, every situation. they are exciting, energetic, full of life. they let god into every part of their lives and lift everyone they meet. their lives are a reflection of their choice to see the best in everyone. this is the type of the person i want to become.

a few goals to get there:

>>> re-dedicated yourself to personal study of the scriptures. make every prayer meaningful and seek out ways to strengthen your connection with heaven. make that the ground you stand on and measure each day by your spiritual growth. study the book of mormon daily and a conference talk weekly.

>>> try to get something significant out of every hour of church. really focus on feeling the spirit and take notes if needed. (11 o clock church this year makes this goal a little more attainable heyooo!)

>>> cultivate your talents by making time-sensitive goals each week. to start out: paint for at least 2 hours a week, and work on the ukulele or calligraphy for another 2 hours a week.

>>> at the very least, get through 3 books a month. pick books that have depth, make you think, teach concepts, and make you laugh. read all 12 books on this book list and participate in the conversation.

>>> be a better example of christ. this summer, i was surrounded by non-members and i generally did a better job blending in than anything else. as jordan and i move to new york and then on to san francisco, i want to do a better job at actively being a disciple of christ, of not being afraid to talk religion, and of being A-OK with being "different."

>>> get back to 2-a-days at the gym, at least 3 times a week for the next few months. (9 workouts per week.) re-dedicate yourself to heathy living and heathy eating. get out of the mentality of "cheat days/not cheat days" and replace it with "taking care of my body with everything i put into it." this means no caffeine. none, kayla! no caffeine!!

>>> throw yourself 100% into any service you can. seek out the missionaries and help them every time they ask, give your all to each church calling you receive, and most importantly, focus on serving your family, especially your husband, in small ways, every day.

>>> be a good long-distance friend. seek out life updates from friends you don't live near, through phones calls and text messages weekly.

>>> complain less and compare less. catch yourself doing it and knock it off.

>>> be a little more chill. go with the flow, have less expectations for people around you. you don't have to have grandiose plans every weekend & it's ok for life to be "boring" on occasion. stop setting so many expectations for yourself in terms of fun you're having - it doesn't make you a better person.

>>> this one is a little vague, and you can't really understand what it means unless you're me, but i still need it here for my sake. HAVE HOPE. trust that things will work out for the best and that your future will be exponentially happier. believe that you will have more good luck and that you deserve more good things coming your way. stay positive about every aspect of your future, & never let yourself get down on it.

>>> and lastly,  my never-ending goal to be a LITTLE better every day. smile a little more, try a little harder, push a little further. be a little better each hour of each day.

if anyone has any other themes, words, or ideas regarding resolutions i would LOVE to hear them! now bring it on, sixteen!!!!!!

January 4, 2016

2015 in review.

2015. holyyyy cow!! never before have i looked back at a year and feel like i was a totally different person when it started. our lives have changed so much - in the very best ways. it was, without a doubt, our biggest growing year. jordan and i learned that we work pretty well together under pressure - our biggest accomplishment, easily, was growing closer together through a summer of spending very skant time together. our second biggest accomplishment was graduating college! woooo!

together - we were able to take several trips down to southern utah, we enjoyed lake powell for the first time together, we learned how to find an apartment in san francisco in 48 hours, (yikes) we had countless adventures in our city by the bay, and drove down the coast to big sur. we watched a lot of our close friends get married and spent a LOT of time in the mountains together. we welcomed both of our sisters home from missions and attended several sessions of conference, both in april and october - and finished off our year at the motab christmas concert. we took several mini road trips to park city and mccall, and we celebrated three whole years (!!!) of marriage by partying at the grand america. we went to lots of parties and ate so much good food. so much good food!

i- cried a lot and had a lot of moments where i thought i would completely break down - but i laughed a lot more than i cried and had a lot of moments where i felt blessed, more than i ever felt despair. i survived a whole summer as an investment banking widow and actually adapted pretty well to the lifestyle. i pushed myself through one last semester with approximately 0% motivation and learned to appreciate good friends more than ever before - ones that genuinely want the best for you and bring out your best self. i got a little better at balancing every aspect of my busy life and pretty much ran myself dry trying to squeeze in every last ounce of fun before we left utah.

come at us, sixteen! we're ready for ya!