a self portrait.

my friend marissa snapped this picture of me during a sunny sunday trip to chrissy field. i had no idea she was taking this photo, and to me, it's so interesting to see true candids of yourself. you see other people candidly all the time - but really, i have no idea what *i* look like to other people. it's interesting to have that little window.

anyway, along with the self portrait, here's what's going on with kayla right now:

+ i love my jobs, but you guys..... i already feel restless. i feel like i have mastered what i am doing and i am starting to be a little bored. gosh, could i be more of a millennial? i am feeling very much ready for the next thing, so i'm starting to open myself up to what the best next step will be. this is pretty scary for me, i have always had jobs plop in my lap (i have been so spoiled) so actually starting from scratch and figuring what i want and what i am qualified for is new territory. i will start poking around and looking in the near future so i doubt i will be going anywhere soon, but it's on my mind a lot. i am ready for a new challenge.

+ i am feeling deflated when it comes to a lot of my goals. i feel like i am pushing myself and i WANT to be more on top of things but i just consistently fall short. like i am running so fast but i just cannot pass the person in the lane next to me. i should be swimming but instead i can barely keep my head above water. ya feel? i can't tell if this is a situation where i should just lower the bar for myself a little bit (sometimes necessary and helpful) or if i just need to push harder. one thing is for sure, i am so grateful for a patient husband and a fresh start every morning!

+ over the last several years, i have done a lot of kickboxing and i always love it. i have been trying out real boxing, like at a boxing gym, and I LOVE IT !! i'm trying to find a gym here where i can train consistently without actually training to be a fighter (i'll pass on the sparring for now) but i love how empowered it helps me feel. there is a boxing basics class held on saturday mornings at alta plaza park. the trainers are hilarious and the park has one of those view where you're just like "IS THIS MY LIFE!' anyway, i'm excited to take on a new challenge.

+ this year i have really tapped into my love for children's literature. i devoured "wonder" and "auggie and me" - both made me cry and i loved them. i am now reading "matilda" - roald dahl is so hilarious and i had forgotten! not only does it bring me a lot of joy to revisit stories that i love so much, but i have been building my children's book collection (thanks so 3.99 paperbacks on amazon prime) that i cannot wait to share with my children someday. i also think i need to start a children's lit book club.

+ i love the above photo especially because of the memory associated with it. sunday, jordan was supposed to be buried in the office but instead, he was let off the hook by his staffer. this is v rare! the happiness of a day spent together is intensified ten fold when it is unexpected! we sunbathed on our deck, took a walk along the bay, played in the sand, and then had a bbq with friends. i went to sleep that night exhausted from the sun and smelling like campfire. it all felt so summery and blissful and care-free. i am so grateful for perfect days like that day, sprinkled amid our routine, busy weeks.

+ this is random, but i have noticed that i have odd eating habits lately. jordan asked if i was eating a lot of refried beans after a family size can was empty the day after it was opened. i realized that i will go entire weeks only eating refried beans (i literally put them on a plate and warm them up, tortilla-less. it's delicious) pickles, pears, (i cannot get enough pears) protein shakes and sugar-free popcsicles. i feel fine, but is it okay to have such little variety in your diet? i take vitamins, does that make a difference? i am an adult, should i know the answer to this question by now? does anybody else do this??


  1. Haha the last point made me laugh! I too go through weird food phases. I will be stuck on one thing for like a month and only eat that thing, and then move onto the next! This last month I was obsessed with BLT's. Don't ask me why! Also I saw this picture on Pinterest of bubblegum pink boxing gloves and I thought to myself... if I had those gloves I would try out boxing! I'm not sure if there are any boxing gyms in Utah though.... maybe? Probably not one in Ogden anyway! I love that photo of you. Candid portraits seem to capture a beauty that staged ones cannot.

  2. this photo is gorgeous - you are gorgeous. also YES TO KICKBOXING and real boxing. that is amazing. don't beat yourself up about feeling like your bars are set too high. to me, you've always seemed to aim for the stars and that is a great place to be - always working. don't get discouraged bc you're doing great.
    This is one of my fave quotes and it might be of interest to you:

    "If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours." - Henry David Thoreau



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